How to build your self-confidence

From January 2, 2019

When widowers start to enter the dating world, they may find themselves lacking self-confidence and wondering:

“Can a new woman love me as much as my late wife did?”

They have a hard time imagining that they could find someone who would love them that much again. Especially those who have experienced such unconditional love in the past.

I hear this question from clients and I read about it in social media all the time. It’s easy to feel concerned after the loss of a partner with whom you felt loved and secure.

As a widow, I’ve had to wrestle with this as well. And here’s the big lesson I’ve learned along the way. The self-confidence I felt because of my late husband’s love needs to still be a part of me even though he is no longer here.

If my self-confidence depends on another person and then they leave, my confidence might leave as well. When an insecure person gets their entire self-worth from another person (instead of owning and internalizing their own self-worth), the insecurity will be there when that partner is gone.

I have good news though! Knowing how much your partner loved you says a lot! It means there are many lovable things about you.

Here is something that might help to increase your self-confidence:

• Write out all the things your partner used to say and do that made you feel unconditionally loved.
• Put the list somewhere you’ll see it a lot (such as on the bathroom mirror, refrigerator, or your phone).
• The list is almost guaranteed to make you feel better about yourself (along with some memories that will bring both normal smiles and tears with them). And this will lead to increased trust in your search for love.

Feeling secure about your worthiness is essential to being attractive to a woman and feeling like your best self. And when your self-confidence is intact the new person’s love will be a wonderful addition.